MOVarazzi

Sunday, November 27, 2011

587. Virgo Vertigo

Can I trade in my Zodiac sign? All this Virgo perfection stuff is making me dizzy. I cannot just buy cupcakes for Tall’s birthday celebration at school, I have to bake the cupcakes myself. I can’t just use a grocery store mix, I have to bake them from scratch from a Martha Stewart recipe. One type of frosting? Please. My Virgo nature forces me to offer the options of chocolate or vanilla icing, and then decorate them in a kaleidoscope of swirly sprinkles.

My Virgo brain is not satisfied to merely volunteer for a supporting role for a fundraiser at my sons’ school. No. I must be in charge of the whole event. Who cares that my week-ends are gobbled up with drafting emails and making enough phone calls that my charger is perpetually plugged in? As long as Virgo has control, things will get done.

Virgos are overachievers.

Other signs sit back and soak it all in, wanting to help but being ever-so-slightly intimidated by the tornado of Virgo energy that silently swirls. Did you follow up on—of course. We need to do—already done. What about—check, check, and check-mate. No need to worry, Virgo will make it happen.

When I get tired of fundraising and volunteering and need a break, I go online to that website I heard about: newzodiacsign.com. After much thought and consideration, I fill out a formal request to officially rescind my Virgo status. I carefully study the other eleven signs searching for one without a penchant for extraneous commitments. I make a detailed spreadsheet of the pros and cons of the other Zodiac signs (the Virgo status has not been cancelled just yet). I write my obligatory five-page essay, explaining why another sign would be a better fit for me. As I am proofreading and editing, I am slightly alarmed to notice that three of my paragraphs start with the phrase, “I am exhausted.”

I am almost ready to submit my application. I drag the mouse and get ready to click on the one sign that might make my life a little less hectic: Procrastiquarius.

MOV
("Momentarily Over Virgo-ness")

8 comments:

  1. I have done a good job removing the overa from overachievers, I am down to just chievers, but some mis sometimes hooks back on to make me mischievous and then I get overly mischievous very easily, especially when silly shows up.

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  2. esbboston--am loving this. Might have to write an entire post on words. First up: appealing morphs into appalling with a quick 2-letter swap (of course I am referencing any kind of food from Mcdonald's that might at first glance look yummy, but upon ingesting can cause severe stomachular issues mere hours later). thanks for the idea. :)

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you should consider Leo. We're lazy, but kind and forgiving. Check out the link below. What's funny is I just googled Leo-personality, and under the "friends" part, it says that Leos build relationships with people born on the 10th of the month. My husband, best friend since childhood and Atheist-Friend are all born on the 10th. I read yours, and apparently you have the greatest ability for good or evil. I'm so staying on your good side.
    http://www.gotohoroscope.com/leo-meanings.html Yet Leos really need you Virgos or none of the shit would get done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You can share my Gemini sign with me.
    Can I have a salary now to afford my falconry stuff?
    See aforementioned post for my suggested rates. ;D
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

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  5. marianne--I read the Leo description, and it became very obvious that the so-called "writer" of that horoscope website is a big ol' Leo ("charming," "witty," "genius level IQ," "makes friends easily"). And possibly has an ex-girlfriend or two in the Virgo camp ("high-strung," "materialistic," "unlucky in money," "prone to alienating people"). Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

    taki--is this because gemini is the sign of the twins, so you actually have an extra zodiac to share? and no, no salary for you until I win Lotto, which seems unlikely given my horoscope.

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm very confused because I'm an Aquarius and I've spent the last 15 years doing Virgo like things at my kids' schools - concession stands, field trips, teacher appreciation lunches, class parties, homecoming floats, prom planning and decorating, fundraising, blah blah blah. You mean I could have sat back and said "nah...I think the Virgo can handle that." Dang.

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  7. HW--confusion is common amongst non-type people, and is to be expected. And yes, you could have sat back and let the Virgos attend to all the details while you drank fresh strawberry margaritas (mixed from scratch by a Virgo, no doubt). However, if you really did all you said you did, methinks you are actually at least PART Virgo. Maybe a part like left elbow or right eyebrow. That would most likely be enough.

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)